Farewell, Nick

I'm grieving... I don't know what this feeling is
It's a mix of shock, disbelief, sadness, pity, guilt... whatever it is
The thing is... my dog died today
No it's not my piglet Russell, but my other Labrador-mix Nick which lived in my grandma's house
I was on the way home when I called my mum to fetch me
She was kinda busy with the arrival of my two-month old cousin, the baby was crying and all
And she couldn't hear me thru the phone and we hung up
So she called me a while later, informing me of the shocking news
I didn't know how to react, I couldn't believe what I was hearing
And I was in a public place, tried to remain calm but I couldn't help but gaped at what my mum said
The worst thing is that he died a horrible, terrible, painful and slow death
I'm not gonna mention how, just thinking about it makes me heartbroken, helpless and hurt
And I wasn't even there to witness it with my own eyes, it already affects me this much
I think I'd breakdown if I really saw it
But I feel really helpless, not being able to do anything, not being there for him when he needed help
It was just really really sad and pitiful, he must've been terrified and threatened
Nobody was at home to help him, and when he was finally rescued, it was already too late... he died hours later with blood splattered everywhere
What exactly drove him to desperation, his death remains a mystery
Nick was left in my grandma's house when I shifted to this new home
And we decided that it was best to just bring Russell along
Nick has always been a lone wolf, he prefers to be alone and doesn't let anyone touch him
It's impossible to get through to him with the defensive wall he built
We didn't bond much, thus we're not so attached to him
But, his loss still brings grief
I'm gonna miss him, I regret that I don't even have a pic to remember him by
He's so brown, everything about him is brown from his fur to his eyes, nose and paws and that makes him unique
Rest in peace, dear Nick, you'll be missed... T_____T